(no subject)

[rynne]

So about a month ago I started watching Buffy because I know it's a popular fandom and I figured I might enjoy it and have lots of fanfic to read. I also knew it was likely to make me sad because Joss Whedon is spastic about pairings.

Well, it made me less sad than annoyed. I lost patience in early season three with the stupid Xander/Willow stuff, and stopped watching for awhile. Then about a week later I got curious and started watching again, but only to mid-season four, when I got annoyed again. Which is still all I've seen of the show, especially since I've totally spoiled myself and don't really want to watch the rest.

(Of course I read fanfic, though. XD I don't want to finish the series, but I want to read fic about it. So odd.)

Thing was, I knew with this show that I was likely to latch onto a pairing. I didn't know whether it would be early in the show or late, but I knew it would happen. Apparently it was early in the show, because I totally latched onto Buffy/Angel. *sigh*

I dunno. I feel sorta...guilty?...for liking this ship. It sort of makes me feel like an immature teenager, which makes me angry, because dammit, so what if I latch onto ships where it's all innocent first love (well, until it goes wrong) and soulmate kind of stuff? (Or, for that matter, ships where they clearly adore each other and love spending time with each other, because I know I have to be an immature teenager to love Doctor/Rose too.)

I have a profound weakness for ships with the Deep Bonds kind of thing. Like my first love, Remus/Sirius, childhood friends who could go through over a decade of hell, including betrayal, and still come out loving each other (whatever kind of love it is). And Doctor/Rose, where Rose is willing to break apart the universe to find him and he loves her in a way he didn't love most people he knew in a very, very long life.

I like the True Love concept. And when I immerse myself in something fictional, I don't want realism. I don't care if, realistically, Buffy could be in love with Angel as a teenager and then he leaves and she moves on and in the end she's fine not being with him because even though she loves him, there are other people she can love and be happy with. I do want some level of realism in my fiction, but I also want, well, fiction. And since Buffy's a fictional character and doesn't actually exist, I shouldn't feel guilty if I don't want her to be happy if she's not with Angel.

(While I have not seen the second half of the series, I did at least read the script for the season finale, which makes it easier to make things all right in my head, thankfully. Also, I ignore the comics, and I don't care if they're supposed to be canon. XD)

And you know, just typing the above (non-parenthetical) paragraph made me feel so young. Like I need to Grow Up. Maybe it's because Buffy is so young when she falls for Angel, and obviously she needs to grow up and get over it when it doesn't work out. Clinging makes me feel immature, and gah, I hate that. It's fiction! I want to stop feeling guilty and immature for loving a fictional relationship!

This comes up because right now I am watching Surprise/Innocence. *sigh* Or rather, I've paused the end of Surprise and am reluctant to go onto Innocence because even though I love Angelus (really, I think he's a big part of why I love Buffy/Angel. He makes things so interseting), it makes me wibble so much. Like, serious wibbling. It's such a good episode, but it makes me hurt. I want to watch it, and I don't. Gah.

I need to shut up now. My insecurities, let me show you them. XD I am going to watch the episode now, and read fic later to make sure they get the happy ending they deserve, because I don't care if I'm being young and immature, I want True Love to triumph! :p

Hmm, no Buffy icons, so I'll use the one Joss-related icon I have. XD

Comments

[goldy-dollar.livejournal.com]

I was SUCH a Buffy/Angel shipper back in the day, and while I'm not as spastic over it now as I was then, I still have quite a lot of residual fondness for the pairing. It didn't really help that Riley was about the worst conceived character to ever grace TV screens.

I guess the best that can be said is that Angel was always very much painted as Buffy's "true love" in canon, and that Riley eventually left basically because he knew he was a rebound. But I had a lot of angst and anger during the last four seasons or so of that show. XD If you want more B/A, I recommend S5's "Forever" and Angel's "I Will Remember You" (1x08... I think). If you haven't seen both those yet, that is.

[rynne.livejournal.com]

Riley I could tolerate. Mostly. Though admittedly I only did for half a season. XD Really it's what happens with Spike that I really don't want to watch.

I've been watching Angel, so I did watch "I Will Remember You". I liked it, except when it broke my heart. XD As this pairing likes to do. *sigh*

[thistlerose.livejournal.com]

I don't really consider myself a Buffy/Angel shipper, BUT...when I'm watching it I tend to get caught up in the EPICNESS of it all. I don't think that shipping Buffy/Angel makes you immature. She's allowed to cling; he was the great love of her life (for now - she is quite young). Even as she grows and matures, Angel will always occupy a place in her heart. Nothing wrong with that.

[rynne.livejournal.com]

(for now - she is quite young). Even as she grows and matures, Angel will always occupy a place in her heart. Nothing wrong with that.

That's the thing that makes me feel immature. It's not the shipping Buffy/Angel part as much as the not wanting her to move on even as she grows and matures. :p I don't mind her dating other guys; I just want her to still end up with Angel.

[magic-at-mungos.livejournal.com]

Don't feel bad about liking Buffy/Angel. :D The same reasons why you like are probably why I don't. But I do love Willow/Oz

[rynne.livejournal.com]

XD I do tend to go for pairings that would be happy if only they could get their huge mess of externally-applied problems fixed. :p Willow/Oz were completely adorable, but I had no particular feeling for them.

[magic-at-mungos.livejournal.com]

I think that's why I love Willow/Oz because just as I was getting into buffy properly as to the fandom (well lurking), I didn't want the epically tragic pairing that could be perfect. I needed the pairing that was adorable and fluffy and just plain nice.

[rynne.livejournal.com]

XD I resisted watching Buffy for the longest time for exactly that reason--I knew Joss was going to break my heart. Unfortunately, I have no control over what ships my heart will latch onto. *sigh* Though it's not like Willow/Oz had a happy ending either. :p

[magic-at-mungos.livejournal.com]

But they were happy for a while! And Willow/Tara was also adorable. So in my head Oz/Willow/Tar totally wins. And then everything's happy.