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rynneFinally, the last chapter! It's done! *collapses*
Title: For Thine is the Kingdom
Author: Rynne
Fandom: Star Wars
Rating: NC17
Summary: Vader will do anything to persuade Luke to the Dark Side...post-ESB Luke/Vader slash/incest
Warning: This is rated NC17 for father/son incestual slash, sexual acts, dubious consent, and (possible) disturbing themes. If you do not think you can handle such things maturely, please do not read.
Notes: Thank you to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jedibix783 for betaing. Written for and dedicated to vikkir, who asked me for L/V slash. Hope you like it. :)
This chapter is rated PG-13/R. I've also got commentary on writing this fic, if you want to read that.
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four
4
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
"Always a choice, there is," Yoda told him once, "between what is easy and what is right. Face it, each Jedi does, and often. Face it, you will. And no one but yourself and the Force can tell you what to choose."
It would be easy to give in, to let Vader persuade him to stay. To accept what Vader offered--everything that he offered. To learn from him about the Force, Light and Dark, and the nature of people, of passion, of pleasure and of pain.
It would be easy to stop fighting. He had been fighting all his life, first against the harshness of the desert and Uncle Owen, and then against the Empire. He had won, sometimes, but more often he had lost: been sent to his room after an argument, been made to fix broken machinery, been kept away from Anchorhead and the only friends he'd had; had to retreat from hopeless battles, watched friends die in heat and explosion in the middle of uncaring space, let himself fall off a gantry after the cleaving of his sword-hand. If, for once, he didn't fight, didn't struggle--what would he gain? What would happen, if he let himself give in, for once? He didn't know, and was afraid to find out.
It would be easy to let Vader to horribly delightful things to him, to let Vader touch him and connect with him and bring him to climax. He still remembered that first time with a shiver and a throbbing ache, because he'd never known that sex could be both wonderful and terrible.
It would be easy to do those things, and sometimes Luke even wanted to--but it would not be right, and so he did not give in.
He'd woken up the morning after...after, sore and aching and bruised. He'd spent as much of the day as he could in the shower, trying to avoid Vader, trying to wash away the humiliation of coming with Father on his lips, trying not to remember that strange excitement in his belly. But he couldn't live in the shower, and Vader was always there, a reminder in and of himself.
"Why do you continue your refusal?" Vader had asked him once, when Luke was trying to ignore him rather than listen to his "lessons" about the Force and Luke's own place in it. "What would be so terrible about joining me?"
"You're a murderer," Luke had replied, hoping that perhaps being blunt and rude would make Vader leave him alone. He should have known better, of course.
"So are you," Vader had said. His hands had clenched and unclenched, and Luke had tried not to look at them, or remember all the things they had done, good and bad and a mixture of both. "You killed more than one million people with one shot, after all."
"To stop a repetition of Alderaan!" Luke had protested, though he felt a twinge at Vader's words, because they were true; Luke had killed those people, just as surely as Vader had killed Ben. And it had occurred to him, suddenly, disturbingly, that Vader had killed few people Luke knew, while Luke had killed many that Vader had known, having been on the Death Star before its destruction. But he hadn't wanted to think about that, so he'd said, perhaps oversimplifying things, "You're evil."
"I am someone who carries out my duties in a government that was legitimately elected," Vader had countered. "You are a terrorist."
"Freedom fighter!" Luke had snapped.
Vader had snorted. "That is only rhetoric you use to make yourself feel better about what you do. But what I have told you about deluding yourself? Do not be fooled by words and pretty ideals, Luke; every blow to the Empire that you have struck was committing an act of terrorism against the legitimate government of the galaxy. Cling to your perception of having the moral high ground, if you like, but do not expect me to indulge you."
That had not made Luke feel better about himself.
And there was this, still, this bond between them, amplified by physical contact, of which Vader took constant advantage.
"Tell me, young one," Vader was saying now, almost idly, "what would you do if I let you leave?" His hands were massaging the tenseness out of Luke's neck and shoulders--tenseness that he ironically both caused and relieved. Though Luke kept wanting to lunge away, because he knew what this kind of thing would lead to, had led to once before already, he stayed still, because moving would cause Vader's grip on him to tighten, and he wouldn't be able to get away. And Vader was surprisingly good at this...
"Wonder what your ulterior motive was," Luke said promptly, resisting the urge to twist around and look Vader in the face, because it wouldn't do him any good; the mask gave nothing away. "Then stop on some uninhabited planet or moon to check for tracking devices."
"And then you would go back to your Rebellion?"
Luke blinked. "Of course," he replied. "Whatever you say about it, it's right. The Empire is oppressive."
"I have asked you before about ruling the galaxy with me," Vader said, thoughtfully, almost quietly. His thumbs dug into Luke's shoulders, and Luke suppressed the relaxed sigh that was threatening to escape. "We can change things. If you do not like something about the way the Emperor runs the galaxy, we can be rid of him, and fix it."
"How long before we're just like him?" Luke demanded, but gently. There was something, flowing across their connection--Vader was in earnest. Suddenly Luke wondered how long Vader had been dreaming of this, of taking the galaxy in his hands and sharing it with someone he cared about. And Luke knew that Vader did care about him; it was understated, perhaps, but it tinged every emotion Vader sent to him, and it was undeniable.
That Vader should have dreams like everyone else in the galaxy--and Luke himself--and that so much of what he had done was in pursuit of his dreams...Luke could not help but sympathize, though he knew he shouldn't, that he should be thinking of Vader as the enemy, and that was the only way he could survive this with his spirit intact.
"We do not have to be," Vader said. The hands stopped massaging, and one of them started drifting down his back, tracing his spine through the material of his shirt. "When we rule, we will be able to choose what we want to be."
Arching his back slightly, and trying to hold onto his train of thought, Luke asked, "Where is the line drawn? If circumstances force us past it, how will we rationalize our actions, and where will the new line be drawn? It's a slippery slope, and I want no part of it. The Force gives us strength that's too easily abused if we're in power."
"You do not trust yourself?"
"No," Luke replied frankly. "Isn't that what you're counting on, with doing this whole thing?" He waved a hand to encompass their position. "Something the Alliance told us, several times, is that anyone can be broken."
"Even you," Vader said, the words having an almost questioning lilt, but Luke knew them for what they were: a promise. The other hand started moving down his side, pausing a moment on his hip, and then moving again.
"Yes," Luke said, and anticipation started burning in his stomach with every centimeter that hand moved, even as he was mentally cursing himself for that anticipation--This is my father so stop feeling like that and concentrate! He mentioned letting me go! Think about that instead! "I don't know what my breaking point is, but I have one. Though I think it's higher than you might think."
"Perhaps," Vader replied. "Perhaps not. We shall see."
"I'm not going to lose myself," Luke said, defiantly, despite the hands caressing his body, lifting his shirt away, brushing across his skin. Let me go, let me go, let me go.
Then the hand on his back moved, coming around to cup his cheek, deceptively gentle. "And I," Vader replied, his voice hard but with a barely noticeable undertone of sadness, "am not going to lose. What did I tell you about thinking?"
The hand passed over his groin, and he gasped, but held to his thoughts. "The first time was a surprise, and the others don't matter because I never consciously agreed without you doing stuff first--never mind that if you're my father, you shouldn't be doing it anyway. I'm not going to let you win so easily." And he dove into that calm center he'd first found with Yoda's help, where serenity washed over him like a deep-running river. The first time Vader had touched him, he'd been so surprised that he hadn't thought to reach for the Force until his concentration was so frayed he could do nothing with it; but he was forewarned now, and his rediscovery of that well of serenity inside him was most of what kept him from succumbing to Vader's seduction.
"I'm your teacher as well as your father," Vader said harshly, the hand on Luke's cheek now forcing him to turn around and face Vader. "And even as your father, you live only because of me. You are mine."
And Vader fought against Luke, sent flurries of emotion across their bond, and blasts of desire and frustration and anger and pleasure swirled around him, but were unable to get across the barrier of peace he'd erected around himself. Still some things leaked through, and he felt himself begin to harden, beneath his pants and Vader's hand. But he closed his eyes and ground his teeth and felt for the Force around him, refusing to give in.
"You can't separate teacher and father so easily," Luke retorted, keeping himself still, trying not to buck up into Vader's touch. "And maybe you've given me life, but I am my own and no one else's! What you're doing is a perversion of what we could have shared!"
Something in Vader seemed slightly shaken at that, but Luke could only tell because of the intensity of their link right then, and even that small hesitation was gone before Luke could look at it properly. Then Vader's hand closed around Luke's erection and squeezed, sending jolts of desire straight to Luke's brain; but Luke thought of the possibility of leaving and forced himself not to react.
It would be easy, he told himself, to let him in, and let him get me off. And it would feel wonderful, just like the last time, and the time before that, and the first time. I know it would. But that's not a reason to give in, because I refuse to be hedonistic, and it would just be wrong, as everything he's done to me has been. Here's my choice, between what is easy and what is right, and I'm making it.
And Vader seemed to sense something of his resolution, for he sighed, and lifted his hand away--both hands, and the connected between them dwindled. Something in Luke cried out at the loss, but it was a small part, and the rest of him was heaving a mental sigh of relief.
"You are too stubborn for your own good," Vader told him. "You would be safer with me than with your Rebellion, and you would be treated well. You could have anything you wanted. To squander such a gift..." He sighed explosively.
But Luke blinked; was there an undertone of resignation to those words? The bond between them was diminished, and Vader's shields were up, so Luke could not tell for sure, but he thought so. "What are you saying?" he asked, carefully shoving away any expectations, trying not to remember his hopes at Vader's earlier words of letting him leave.
"We have unfinished business," Vader said. "Perhaps it would be more fruitful if you were given time to think." Then he added, as if in afterthought, "I have every confidence that you will choose correctly, and take up your destiny at my side."
Luke's eyes widened, and he took a step backwards. "Are you letting me go?" he asked, almost not daring to hope, and definitely ignoring the strange pang in his chest at the thought. To not be so divided anymore, with most of me against that Darkening part of me that enjoyed what he did...
"We have unfinished business," Vader repeated. "Sooner or later, you will seek me out; of this I am quite sure. You cannot do otherwise."
"You're letting me go," Luke said, a statement this time, because surely Vader could not mean anything else.
"Only because I know you will come back of your own free will," Vader said, then placed his hands on Luke's shoulders and sending one last, strong burst of emotion through the bond; but it was many feelings rolled up into one, and Luke could not separate them enough to identify any. "Yes, I am letting you go."
--
"He let you go," Madine said, disbelievingly. "Just like that. He kept you for a week and then he let you go?"
"You must admit that it sounds far-fetched," Rieekan added. "How do you know that he didn't add a tracker to you or your ship?"
"I looked," Luke said, with more patience than he felt. He just wanted this to be over with, but already the story that he had been captured by Darth Vader and gotten away was making its way across the ship, and he couldn't deny the summoning from the Council to explain. At least he'd managed to see Wedge first, and assure him that he was all right. "Before I came here, I stopped on some uninhabited moon and made sure that there were no tracking devices."
"Then why did he let you go?" Madine asked. "We know how much he wanted you. So why let you leave, when he finally had you?"
"It's...a Force thing," Luke said, reluctantly. "He wanted me both to take me as his apprentice and to make sure I don't become a Jedi. But when I refused to turn, he said he was going to let me think about things, and that he knew I would come back to him eventually, of my own free will."
"Will you?" Admiral Ackbar, who had been silent until now, asked. The others in the room affected disinterested expressions, but Luke knew they were paying intense attention. He could feel the strength in each gaze, settled on him.
Will I? But Luke knew the answer. He had been happy to be free, but he had not expected that he would feel so...empty. But he couldn't say that. "I must," he said simply. "I am a Jedi, and he is a Dark Lord of the Sith. I don't think we can avoid each other. I'll find him again, eventually, but I won't do what he expects. I won't fall."
I have to find him again. I have to find out--what's to become of us. This power struggle of ours...who will win, in the end?
Madine looked suspicious. "I still can't believe that you were in Vader's clutches for a week, and came out untouched," he said, and Luke stiffened at the implication.
"Not all scars are visible," he replied, very softly. "Would that I had been untouched..." He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again, he knew they were blazing with too much emotion; Madine looked taken aback.
There was silence in the room, as none of the Councilors seemed able to speak. But Luke took a deep breath, controlled himself, and said, "I am still proud to be a soldier in the Alliance, and to continue the fight against the Empire." Terrorism or not, it was right, and he knew it; the Force, and his own conscience, told him so. "And I am still a Jedi."
The Councilors looked at each other, then finally Mothma spoke. "Thank you, Commander Skywalker," she said, with a minute smile. "We are incredibly glad that you have returned to us, and relatively unscathed. But you have undoubtedly gone through an ordeal, and I believe some officially sanctioned leave would do you good. You said you wanted to go to Tatooine for Captain Solo, did you not?"
"Yes," he said. Tatooine...where Leia was, now. He wanted to see her again, desperately--she always had the ability to make him feel better, whole somehow, and he needed that, right now. There was such an empty place inside him, where that overwhelming connection had once been.... How short-sighted of him, not to realize that being let leave would mean the loss of that bond, yet another thing that he would have to come to terms with. "And I would like to finish my training."
He had made a promise to Yoda, that he would return, and he kept his promises. Vader, and their unfinished business, could wait.
"Very well," Mothma said, and rose to her feet. Luke stood up as well. "Please join us again whenever you can. We will always welcome you."
Luke smiled--he did still have a place here, and that was good to know. He wouldn't mar that nice feeling by wondering why no one asked why Vader was going to the trouble of trying to turn him rather than simply killing him.... "Thank you," he said, and saluted. Then he left.
He was already on his way to Tatooine, away from the press of people constantly asking questions he didn't know how to answer, when he let himself think again, but there was only one thing on his mind.
He let me go, he thought, watching the star lines blur past him. He didn't have to. I know I couldn't have lasted forever, and if he'd kept me, he would have had me. Well, had me more than he already did.
And Luke had to shiver at that, because Vader had had him. Almost every part of him. So many times had Luke been close to giving in...and even now, he missed that bond, the distance now between them too great for it to be felt. It had been so much a part of him that week that its absence hurt, worse than the cleaving of his hand, which had been a part of him longer than had his connection to his father. But that connection had been so deeply entwined with his emotions that he couldn't feel anything without feeling it as well. It was disturbing how quickly and easily he had gotten used to it, and now it was so strange to have it suddenly ripped away.
And thoughts of the bond led to thoughts of what had been done with the bond, how absolutely inside him Vader had been. That intensity of feeling--it had been so easy to drown in, to lose himself, and perhaps he now was like an addict in withdrawal, because he wanted almost nothing more than to have that connection back again. His well of serenity apparently hadn't helped him as much as he thought, if he could be feeling so bereft right now.
This is what he wants, he thought, with a strange prickling running straight down his spine. He wants me to think about him, and miss him, and want him back, want to be back with him. To feel again, what I felt before, what I'll probably never feel again--
There was a sharp pain, at that, the idea that never again would he know the kind of pleasure he'd received from his father's hands, for with no one else had he had that deep connection, not even Leia.
Stop it! he snarled at himself. He's your father, or don't you remember? That's incest you're remembering right now, and it's not exactly a good thing!
But he should not be getting so angry with himself; his feelings could betray him. He touched the Force then, letting its refreshing coolness wash over him, letting it carry away his anger and disgust and doubts and regrets and dissipate them.
There is still good in him, Luke thought, and from the Force an agreement seemed to come. He'd said it before, about interrogation--pain breaks, and he could have used that. But he didn't. Though perhaps what he did was worse, because it was pain of a different sort, to have had that pleasure and then had it so summarily taken away--
And it was unwilling, don't forget that, he reminded himself sharply. It was never something I agreed to. Don't waste time on stupid things you shouldn't be regretting, because they're wrong--be proud, instead, that you didn't give in. Be happy that he let you go. And he was that, at least. And that there should still be some good in his father...
There's so much that he could have done to me, and didn't, and he is letting me decide things for myself. He wouldn't do that, would he, if he was completely gone?
But whether he would or not, Luke had to hope. He was going to see Vader again, he couldn't not, and when he did--
If I could turn things around, try to turn him, instead of him turning me, then I could have him again, and have our bond, and not be evil. But something else inside him whispered, You couldn't have him the same way, though--it was only his Darkness that let him do what he did--and you must have Darkness, too, if you enjoyed it at all. Good fathers don't have sex with their sons, and good sons don't want them to. You'll never have that again, unless you go back to him and ask him for it. And don't deny that you want to; I know you do. Everything he did to you felt so good...
Luke took a deep breath, and let it out. Yes, he acknowledged to himself, it had felt good. Incredibly good. And he probably would never feel that good again. Though it was disgusting, because it was his father, one of the people who gave him life, and though he was horrified at himself for feeling almost regretful, the horror could not get rid of that feeling completely.
It was like coming to terms with his father's identity all over again, with shock and despair that this was his father, but still a seed of happiness, that at least there now was a father in the first place, and not even the despair could kill that seed. And now there was this horror and disgust at what Vader had done to him and how he himself had responded, but not even they could quash the remembered pleasure...
But he was a Jedi, and he would be a Jedi. He was free, and alive, and Light, which was all he'd struggled for, that week with Vader. But Vader had struggled, too, and had succeeded at least in part if Luke was still having these thoughts and almost-regrets.
And, looking back on their week-long confrontation, he still had one question he wasn't sure would ever be answered.
Who won?
Title: For Thine is the Kingdom
Author: Rynne
Fandom: Star Wars
Rating: NC17
Summary: Vader will do anything to persuade Luke to the Dark Side...post-ESB Luke/Vader slash/incest
Warning: This is rated NC17 for father/son incestual slash, sexual acts, dubious consent, and (possible) disturbing themes. If you do not think you can handle such things maturely, please do not read.
Notes: Thank you to
jedibix783 for betaing. Written for and dedicated to vikkir, who asked me for L/V slash. Hope you like it. :)This chapter is rated PG-13/R. I've also got commentary on writing this fic, if you want to read that.
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
"Always a choice, there is," Yoda told him once, "between what is easy and what is right. Face it, each Jedi does, and often. Face it, you will. And no one but yourself and the Force can tell you what to choose."
It would be easy to give in, to let Vader persuade him to stay. To accept what Vader offered--everything that he offered. To learn from him about the Force, Light and Dark, and the nature of people, of passion, of pleasure and of pain.
It would be easy to stop fighting. He had been fighting all his life, first against the harshness of the desert and Uncle Owen, and then against the Empire. He had won, sometimes, but more often he had lost: been sent to his room after an argument, been made to fix broken machinery, been kept away from Anchorhead and the only friends he'd had; had to retreat from hopeless battles, watched friends die in heat and explosion in the middle of uncaring space, let himself fall off a gantry after the cleaving of his sword-hand. If, for once, he didn't fight, didn't struggle--what would he gain? What would happen, if he let himself give in, for once? He didn't know, and was afraid to find out.
It would be easy to let Vader to horribly delightful things to him, to let Vader touch him and connect with him and bring him to climax. He still remembered that first time with a shiver and a throbbing ache, because he'd never known that sex could be both wonderful and terrible.
It would be easy to do those things, and sometimes Luke even wanted to--but it would not be right, and so he did not give in.
He'd woken up the morning after...after, sore and aching and bruised. He'd spent as much of the day as he could in the shower, trying to avoid Vader, trying to wash away the humiliation of coming with Father on his lips, trying not to remember that strange excitement in his belly. But he couldn't live in the shower, and Vader was always there, a reminder in and of himself.
"Why do you continue your refusal?" Vader had asked him once, when Luke was trying to ignore him rather than listen to his "lessons" about the Force and Luke's own place in it. "What would be so terrible about joining me?"
"You're a murderer," Luke had replied, hoping that perhaps being blunt and rude would make Vader leave him alone. He should have known better, of course.
"So are you," Vader had said. His hands had clenched and unclenched, and Luke had tried not to look at them, or remember all the things they had done, good and bad and a mixture of both. "You killed more than one million people with one shot, after all."
"To stop a repetition of Alderaan!" Luke had protested, though he felt a twinge at Vader's words, because they were true; Luke had killed those people, just as surely as Vader had killed Ben. And it had occurred to him, suddenly, disturbingly, that Vader had killed few people Luke knew, while Luke had killed many that Vader had known, having been on the Death Star before its destruction. But he hadn't wanted to think about that, so he'd said, perhaps oversimplifying things, "You're evil."
"I am someone who carries out my duties in a government that was legitimately elected," Vader had countered. "You are a terrorist."
"Freedom fighter!" Luke had snapped.
Vader had snorted. "That is only rhetoric you use to make yourself feel better about what you do. But what I have told you about deluding yourself? Do not be fooled by words and pretty ideals, Luke; every blow to the Empire that you have struck was committing an act of terrorism against the legitimate government of the galaxy. Cling to your perception of having the moral high ground, if you like, but do not expect me to indulge you."
That had not made Luke feel better about himself.
And there was this, still, this bond between them, amplified by physical contact, of which Vader took constant advantage.
"Tell me, young one," Vader was saying now, almost idly, "what would you do if I let you leave?" His hands were massaging the tenseness out of Luke's neck and shoulders--tenseness that he ironically both caused and relieved. Though Luke kept wanting to lunge away, because he knew what this kind of thing would lead to, had led to once before already, he stayed still, because moving would cause Vader's grip on him to tighten, and he wouldn't be able to get away. And Vader was surprisingly good at this...
"Wonder what your ulterior motive was," Luke said promptly, resisting the urge to twist around and look Vader in the face, because it wouldn't do him any good; the mask gave nothing away. "Then stop on some uninhabited planet or moon to check for tracking devices."
"And then you would go back to your Rebellion?"
Luke blinked. "Of course," he replied. "Whatever you say about it, it's right. The Empire is oppressive."
"I have asked you before about ruling the galaxy with me," Vader said, thoughtfully, almost quietly. His thumbs dug into Luke's shoulders, and Luke suppressed the relaxed sigh that was threatening to escape. "We can change things. If you do not like something about the way the Emperor runs the galaxy, we can be rid of him, and fix it."
"How long before we're just like him?" Luke demanded, but gently. There was something, flowing across their connection--Vader was in earnest. Suddenly Luke wondered how long Vader had been dreaming of this, of taking the galaxy in his hands and sharing it with someone he cared about. And Luke knew that Vader did care about him; it was understated, perhaps, but it tinged every emotion Vader sent to him, and it was undeniable.
That Vader should have dreams like everyone else in the galaxy--and Luke himself--and that so much of what he had done was in pursuit of his dreams...Luke could not help but sympathize, though he knew he shouldn't, that he should be thinking of Vader as the enemy, and that was the only way he could survive this with his spirit intact.
"We do not have to be," Vader said. The hands stopped massaging, and one of them started drifting down his back, tracing his spine through the material of his shirt. "When we rule, we will be able to choose what we want to be."
Arching his back slightly, and trying to hold onto his train of thought, Luke asked, "Where is the line drawn? If circumstances force us past it, how will we rationalize our actions, and where will the new line be drawn? It's a slippery slope, and I want no part of it. The Force gives us strength that's too easily abused if we're in power."
"You do not trust yourself?"
"No," Luke replied frankly. "Isn't that what you're counting on, with doing this whole thing?" He waved a hand to encompass their position. "Something the Alliance told us, several times, is that anyone can be broken."
"Even you," Vader said, the words having an almost questioning lilt, but Luke knew them for what they were: a promise. The other hand started moving down his side, pausing a moment on his hip, and then moving again.
"Yes," Luke said, and anticipation started burning in his stomach with every centimeter that hand moved, even as he was mentally cursing himself for that anticipation--This is my father so stop feeling like that and concentrate! He mentioned letting me go! Think about that instead! "I don't know what my breaking point is, but I have one. Though I think it's higher than you might think."
"Perhaps," Vader replied. "Perhaps not. We shall see."
"I'm not going to lose myself," Luke said, defiantly, despite the hands caressing his body, lifting his shirt away, brushing across his skin. Let me go, let me go, let me go.
Then the hand on his back moved, coming around to cup his cheek, deceptively gentle. "And I," Vader replied, his voice hard but with a barely noticeable undertone of sadness, "am not going to lose. What did I tell you about thinking?"
The hand passed over his groin, and he gasped, but held to his thoughts. "The first time was a surprise, and the others don't matter because I never consciously agreed without you doing stuff first--never mind that if you're my father, you shouldn't be doing it anyway. I'm not going to let you win so easily." And he dove into that calm center he'd first found with Yoda's help, where serenity washed over him like a deep-running river. The first time Vader had touched him, he'd been so surprised that he hadn't thought to reach for the Force until his concentration was so frayed he could do nothing with it; but he was forewarned now, and his rediscovery of that well of serenity inside him was most of what kept him from succumbing to Vader's seduction.
"I'm your teacher as well as your father," Vader said harshly, the hand on Luke's cheek now forcing him to turn around and face Vader. "And even as your father, you live only because of me. You are mine."
And Vader fought against Luke, sent flurries of emotion across their bond, and blasts of desire and frustration and anger and pleasure swirled around him, but were unable to get across the barrier of peace he'd erected around himself. Still some things leaked through, and he felt himself begin to harden, beneath his pants and Vader's hand. But he closed his eyes and ground his teeth and felt for the Force around him, refusing to give in.
"You can't separate teacher and father so easily," Luke retorted, keeping himself still, trying not to buck up into Vader's touch. "And maybe you've given me life, but I am my own and no one else's! What you're doing is a perversion of what we could have shared!"
Something in Vader seemed slightly shaken at that, but Luke could only tell because of the intensity of their link right then, and even that small hesitation was gone before Luke could look at it properly. Then Vader's hand closed around Luke's erection and squeezed, sending jolts of desire straight to Luke's brain; but Luke thought of the possibility of leaving and forced himself not to react.
It would be easy, he told himself, to let him in, and let him get me off. And it would feel wonderful, just like the last time, and the time before that, and the first time. I know it would. But that's not a reason to give in, because I refuse to be hedonistic, and it would just be wrong, as everything he's done to me has been. Here's my choice, between what is easy and what is right, and I'm making it.
And Vader seemed to sense something of his resolution, for he sighed, and lifted his hand away--both hands, and the connected between them dwindled. Something in Luke cried out at the loss, but it was a small part, and the rest of him was heaving a mental sigh of relief.
"You are too stubborn for your own good," Vader told him. "You would be safer with me than with your Rebellion, and you would be treated well. You could have anything you wanted. To squander such a gift..." He sighed explosively.
But Luke blinked; was there an undertone of resignation to those words? The bond between them was diminished, and Vader's shields were up, so Luke could not tell for sure, but he thought so. "What are you saying?" he asked, carefully shoving away any expectations, trying not to remember his hopes at Vader's earlier words of letting him leave.
"We have unfinished business," Vader said. "Perhaps it would be more fruitful if you were given time to think." Then he added, as if in afterthought, "I have every confidence that you will choose correctly, and take up your destiny at my side."
Luke's eyes widened, and he took a step backwards. "Are you letting me go?" he asked, almost not daring to hope, and definitely ignoring the strange pang in his chest at the thought. To not be so divided anymore, with most of me against that Darkening part of me that enjoyed what he did...
"We have unfinished business," Vader repeated. "Sooner or later, you will seek me out; of this I am quite sure. You cannot do otherwise."
"You're letting me go," Luke said, a statement this time, because surely Vader could not mean anything else.
"Only because I know you will come back of your own free will," Vader said, then placed his hands on Luke's shoulders and sending one last, strong burst of emotion through the bond; but it was many feelings rolled up into one, and Luke could not separate them enough to identify any. "Yes, I am letting you go."
--
"He let you go," Madine said, disbelievingly. "Just like that. He kept you for a week and then he let you go?"
"You must admit that it sounds far-fetched," Rieekan added. "How do you know that he didn't add a tracker to you or your ship?"
"I looked," Luke said, with more patience than he felt. He just wanted this to be over with, but already the story that he had been captured by Darth Vader and gotten away was making its way across the ship, and he couldn't deny the summoning from the Council to explain. At least he'd managed to see Wedge first, and assure him that he was all right. "Before I came here, I stopped on some uninhabited moon and made sure that there were no tracking devices."
"Then why did he let you go?" Madine asked. "We know how much he wanted you. So why let you leave, when he finally had you?"
"It's...a Force thing," Luke said, reluctantly. "He wanted me both to take me as his apprentice and to make sure I don't become a Jedi. But when I refused to turn, he said he was going to let me think about things, and that he knew I would come back to him eventually, of my own free will."
"Will you?" Admiral Ackbar, who had been silent until now, asked. The others in the room affected disinterested expressions, but Luke knew they were paying intense attention. He could feel the strength in each gaze, settled on him.
Will I? But Luke knew the answer. He had been happy to be free, but he had not expected that he would feel so...empty. But he couldn't say that. "I must," he said simply. "I am a Jedi, and he is a Dark Lord of the Sith. I don't think we can avoid each other. I'll find him again, eventually, but I won't do what he expects. I won't fall."
I have to find him again. I have to find out--what's to become of us. This power struggle of ours...who will win, in the end?
Madine looked suspicious. "I still can't believe that you were in Vader's clutches for a week, and came out untouched," he said, and Luke stiffened at the implication.
"Not all scars are visible," he replied, very softly. "Would that I had been untouched..." He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again, he knew they were blazing with too much emotion; Madine looked taken aback.
There was silence in the room, as none of the Councilors seemed able to speak. But Luke took a deep breath, controlled himself, and said, "I am still proud to be a soldier in the Alliance, and to continue the fight against the Empire." Terrorism or not, it was right, and he knew it; the Force, and his own conscience, told him so. "And I am still a Jedi."
The Councilors looked at each other, then finally Mothma spoke. "Thank you, Commander Skywalker," she said, with a minute smile. "We are incredibly glad that you have returned to us, and relatively unscathed. But you have undoubtedly gone through an ordeal, and I believe some officially sanctioned leave would do you good. You said you wanted to go to Tatooine for Captain Solo, did you not?"
"Yes," he said. Tatooine...where Leia was, now. He wanted to see her again, desperately--she always had the ability to make him feel better, whole somehow, and he needed that, right now. There was such an empty place inside him, where that overwhelming connection had once been.... How short-sighted of him, not to realize that being let leave would mean the loss of that bond, yet another thing that he would have to come to terms with. "And I would like to finish my training."
He had made a promise to Yoda, that he would return, and he kept his promises. Vader, and their unfinished business, could wait.
"Very well," Mothma said, and rose to her feet. Luke stood up as well. "Please join us again whenever you can. We will always welcome you."
Luke smiled--he did still have a place here, and that was good to know. He wouldn't mar that nice feeling by wondering why no one asked why Vader was going to the trouble of trying to turn him rather than simply killing him.... "Thank you," he said, and saluted. Then he left.
He was already on his way to Tatooine, away from the press of people constantly asking questions he didn't know how to answer, when he let himself think again, but there was only one thing on his mind.
He let me go, he thought, watching the star lines blur past him. He didn't have to. I know I couldn't have lasted forever, and if he'd kept me, he would have had me. Well, had me more than he already did.
And Luke had to shiver at that, because Vader had had him. Almost every part of him. So many times had Luke been close to giving in...and even now, he missed that bond, the distance now between them too great for it to be felt. It had been so much a part of him that week that its absence hurt, worse than the cleaving of his hand, which had been a part of him longer than had his connection to his father. But that connection had been so deeply entwined with his emotions that he couldn't feel anything without feeling it as well. It was disturbing how quickly and easily he had gotten used to it, and now it was so strange to have it suddenly ripped away.
And thoughts of the bond led to thoughts of what had been done with the bond, how absolutely inside him Vader had been. That intensity of feeling--it had been so easy to drown in, to lose himself, and perhaps he now was like an addict in withdrawal, because he wanted almost nothing more than to have that connection back again. His well of serenity apparently hadn't helped him as much as he thought, if he could be feeling so bereft right now.
This is what he wants, he thought, with a strange prickling running straight down his spine. He wants me to think about him, and miss him, and want him back, want to be back with him. To feel again, what I felt before, what I'll probably never feel again--
There was a sharp pain, at that, the idea that never again would he know the kind of pleasure he'd received from his father's hands, for with no one else had he had that deep connection, not even Leia.
Stop it! he snarled at himself. He's your father, or don't you remember? That's incest you're remembering right now, and it's not exactly a good thing!
But he should not be getting so angry with himself; his feelings could betray him. He touched the Force then, letting its refreshing coolness wash over him, letting it carry away his anger and disgust and doubts and regrets and dissipate them.
There is still good in him, Luke thought, and from the Force an agreement seemed to come. He'd said it before, about interrogation--pain breaks, and he could have used that. But he didn't. Though perhaps what he did was worse, because it was pain of a different sort, to have had that pleasure and then had it so summarily taken away--
And it was unwilling, don't forget that, he reminded himself sharply. It was never something I agreed to. Don't waste time on stupid things you shouldn't be regretting, because they're wrong--be proud, instead, that you didn't give in. Be happy that he let you go. And he was that, at least. And that there should still be some good in his father...
There's so much that he could have done to me, and didn't, and he is letting me decide things for myself. He wouldn't do that, would he, if he was completely gone?
But whether he would or not, Luke had to hope. He was going to see Vader again, he couldn't not, and when he did--
If I could turn things around, try to turn him, instead of him turning me, then I could have him again, and have our bond, and not be evil. But something else inside him whispered, You couldn't have him the same way, though--it was only his Darkness that let him do what he did--and you must have Darkness, too, if you enjoyed it at all. Good fathers don't have sex with their sons, and good sons don't want them to. You'll never have that again, unless you go back to him and ask him for it. And don't deny that you want to; I know you do. Everything he did to you felt so good...
Luke took a deep breath, and let it out. Yes, he acknowledged to himself, it had felt good. Incredibly good. And he probably would never feel that good again. Though it was disgusting, because it was his father, one of the people who gave him life, and though he was horrified at himself for feeling almost regretful, the horror could not get rid of that feeling completely.
It was like coming to terms with his father's identity all over again, with shock and despair that this was his father, but still a seed of happiness, that at least there now was a father in the first place, and not even the despair could kill that seed. And now there was this horror and disgust at what Vader had done to him and how he himself had responded, but not even they could quash the remembered pleasure...
But he was a Jedi, and he would be a Jedi. He was free, and alive, and Light, which was all he'd struggled for, that week with Vader. But Vader had struggled, too, and had succeeded at least in part if Luke was still having these thoughts and almost-regrets.
And, looking back on their week-long confrontation, he still had one question he wasn't sure would ever be answered.
Who won?
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Date: 2006-02-09 06:49 pm (UTC)So, in short, very well done.
FH
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Date: 2006-02-12 07:37 am (UTC)I have the same reservations, actually. I prefer them being like father and son, but Vikki asked for them slashed, and I tried to oblige. It's just because of those reservations that I worked so hard to try and make this plausible, so I'm really glad you think it is!
Chapter three was... very elegant, which is not something that can be found easily in slash fics.
I do strive for elegance in all my fics, whether they be het, slash, or gen. I'm glad you think I succeeded.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
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Date: 2006-02-09 07:35 pm (UTC)Sane Fangirl: I like open endings because the Luke and Vader dynamic is so complex that it would take eternity to analyze, at least if more writers characterized them as well as you do!
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Date: 2006-02-12 07:34 am (UTC)Only if you count RotJ. *g*
Sane Fangirl: I like open endings
It's only half an open ending, really, since I'd never meant this to be an AU (well, except that it would never happen in Lucas's world :p). Luke is on his way to Tatooine when I end it, so you can either see Shadows of the Empire (if you care about the EU) or RotJ happening immediately afterward. So it's an open ending in that there's not complete closure, but you know what happens next.
because the Luke and Vader dynamic is so complex that it would take eternity to analyze, at least if more writers characterized them as well as you do!
I totally agree about the complexity, which was why I was sorta worried about what I was doing with them. I'm so glad you think I characterized them well!
Thanks so much for reading! :D
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Date: 2006-02-09 11:21 pm (UTC)This is such a lovely story. Their interactions are spot on. Vader let's Luke go (at least offering the semblance of choice), and they both know Luke's coming back.
It can't end there! ;)
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Date: 2006-02-12 07:26 am (UTC)Their interactions are spot on.
Whew! I'm always relieved to hear that, since characterization is probably more important to me than anything else. I'm happy you liked the interactions. :D
It can't end there! ;)
It doesn't! Go watch RotJ. ;>
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Date: 2006-02-19 03:35 pm (UTC)I'm busy at the minute making an archive for all the Luke/Vader I can get my hands on - can I archive this? Oh - go on!! It's one of the best, without a doubt.
//happy vikki//
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Date: 2006-02-21 05:51 am (UTC)I never expected anything this long or involved when I asked for that drabble.
Neither did I; it just ended up that way. :p
I'm busy at the minute making an archive for all the Luke/Vader I can get my hands on - can I archive this?
Of course! D'you want me to send you my Word file, since it's already html-ized? (I tend to code as I write so I don't have to do it when I'm about to upload.)
Thanks so much, and I'm really glad you liked it. :D