[ficlet] Wish (1/1, G)
Nov. 26th, 2004 10:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rynneEr. Right. I suppose I'm to blame for this, aren't I? *sigh* Well then.
Title: Wish
Author: Rynne
Rating: G
Summary: They wish.
“Go away,” Remus said to the ghost of Sirius Black. “You’re not supposed to be here.”
Not saying anything, the ghost closed his eyes and nodded, then slowly turned and walked out of the room, into the hall.
Remus felt a flash of panic. “Wait!” he called hurriedly, before the ghost could really leave. The ghost froze, and turned around to face Remus again, but it did not come back, and, after a moment, Remus realized that it was waiting. Just like he’d told it to. A lump settled soundly in his throat.
“I didn’t think you would,” Remus muttered, around the lump. “Go, I mean. You hardly ever did what I told you—”
“I did, during the last year,” a whisper coming from the hall said, sounding as if it was coming from the bottom of a well.
“—and so I thought that telling you to go would mean that you would stay. You always stayed, when I told you to go. And you went when I told you to stay.” Dimly, Remus realized that he was babbling, but beyond the knowledge of it, he didn’t care. “You were always doing the opposite of what I told you, when it suited you to do something else. I thought you would stay.”
“…I wanted to,” the ghost offered, as if that made everything better.
Remus knew it made things worse. “Then why didn’t you?” he asked plaintively. He didn’t even know what they were talking about anymore. Staying a minute ago, at Remus’s command? Two months ago, in the Department of Mysteries? Fifteen years ago, to become—or not, but Remus hadn’t known at the time—James’s Secret Keeper? Other times that he couldn’t remember? How many times had Sirius left when Remus told him to stay?
“I couldn’t,” the ghost answered, and that summed everything up, about both their lives. Sirius wanted to, and he couldn’t. Remus wanted to, and he couldn’t. Even Harry, Remus thought, wanted to and couldn’t.
So Remus sighed. “I know,” he said. “But you can stay now, can’t you?”
“I’d like to,” Sirius’s ghost answered, and came back into the room. But Remus heard the sentence, completely empty of promises, and shivered.
“You can’t, can you,” he said, and it was not a question.
“Not for long,” the other answered, and Remus didn’t think he was imagining the regret in the ghost’s voice. “I don’t want to leave you again, Remus.”
“I’ve gotten used to it,” Remus said shortly. He didn’t think he was imagining the flash of pain in the ghost’s eyes either, but in an incorporeal being, it was hard to tell.
“I’m sorry,” the ghost said awkwardly, and Remus waved a hand to indicate it didn’t matter. Apologies weren’t going to bring him back, after all.
“How long can you stay, then?” Remus asked. “Harry told me about his conversation with Nearly Headless Nick, and Nick didn’t seem to think that you would be coming back at all.”
Sirius looked forlorn, as much as he could without a proper face. “I don’t know,” he said, and the well his voice was echoing from suddenly sounded deeper. “I wanted to see you and Harry again. Harry couldn’t see me at all, and you…” He looked sad.
Remus sighed, and brought a hand up to rub at his eyes. “I wish—” I wish you could stay. That you weren’t dead. That you’d never gone to Azkaban. That you and I are living happily together. Oh Sirius, how much I wish…
“I wish I could touch you,” Sirius’s ghost whispered.
Remus shivered, and as if in answer, reached out a hand to the ghostly form standing in front of him. The ghost walked forward, reaching out a hand as well, and just before their fingers would have touched…the ghost started fading away.
“No!” Remus found himself on his feet, running forward those short steps to where Sirius had been standing, but there was nothing but mist. He breathed it in and smelt the fading traces of hippogriff, alcohol, and the scent Sirius left on his pillow, that Remus liked to breathe in whenever he was still in bed and Sirius was up.
He stood there with his eyes closed until even the mist was gone, and the smell gone with it. Then he let out a great, shuddering breath, and went downstairs to make tea.
Title: Wish
Author: Rynne
Rating: G
Summary: They wish.
“Go away,” Remus said to the ghost of Sirius Black. “You’re not supposed to be here.”
Not saying anything, the ghost closed his eyes and nodded, then slowly turned and walked out of the room, into the hall.
Remus felt a flash of panic. “Wait!” he called hurriedly, before the ghost could really leave. The ghost froze, and turned around to face Remus again, but it did not come back, and, after a moment, Remus realized that it was waiting. Just like he’d told it to. A lump settled soundly in his throat.
“I didn’t think you would,” Remus muttered, around the lump. “Go, I mean. You hardly ever did what I told you—”
“I did, during the last year,” a whisper coming from the hall said, sounding as if it was coming from the bottom of a well.
“—and so I thought that telling you to go would mean that you would stay. You always stayed, when I told you to go. And you went when I told you to stay.” Dimly, Remus realized that he was babbling, but beyond the knowledge of it, he didn’t care. “You were always doing the opposite of what I told you, when it suited you to do something else. I thought you would stay.”
“…I wanted to,” the ghost offered, as if that made everything better.
Remus knew it made things worse. “Then why didn’t you?” he asked plaintively. He didn’t even know what they were talking about anymore. Staying a minute ago, at Remus’s command? Two months ago, in the Department of Mysteries? Fifteen years ago, to become—or not, but Remus hadn’t known at the time—James’s Secret Keeper? Other times that he couldn’t remember? How many times had Sirius left when Remus told him to stay?
“I couldn’t,” the ghost answered, and that summed everything up, about both their lives. Sirius wanted to, and he couldn’t. Remus wanted to, and he couldn’t. Even Harry, Remus thought, wanted to and couldn’t.
So Remus sighed. “I know,” he said. “But you can stay now, can’t you?”
“I’d like to,” Sirius’s ghost answered, and came back into the room. But Remus heard the sentence, completely empty of promises, and shivered.
“You can’t, can you,” he said, and it was not a question.
“Not for long,” the other answered, and Remus didn’t think he was imagining the regret in the ghost’s voice. “I don’t want to leave you again, Remus.”
“I’ve gotten used to it,” Remus said shortly. He didn’t think he was imagining the flash of pain in the ghost’s eyes either, but in an incorporeal being, it was hard to tell.
“I’m sorry,” the ghost said awkwardly, and Remus waved a hand to indicate it didn’t matter. Apologies weren’t going to bring him back, after all.
“How long can you stay, then?” Remus asked. “Harry told me about his conversation with Nearly Headless Nick, and Nick didn’t seem to think that you would be coming back at all.”
Sirius looked forlorn, as much as he could without a proper face. “I don’t know,” he said, and the well his voice was echoing from suddenly sounded deeper. “I wanted to see you and Harry again. Harry couldn’t see me at all, and you…” He looked sad.
Remus sighed, and brought a hand up to rub at his eyes. “I wish—” I wish you could stay. That you weren’t dead. That you’d never gone to Azkaban. That you and I are living happily together. Oh Sirius, how much I wish…
“I wish I could touch you,” Sirius’s ghost whispered.
Remus shivered, and as if in answer, reached out a hand to the ghostly form standing in front of him. The ghost walked forward, reaching out a hand as well, and just before their fingers would have touched…the ghost started fading away.
“No!” Remus found himself on his feet, running forward those short steps to where Sirius had been standing, but there was nothing but mist. He breathed it in and smelt the fading traces of hippogriff, alcohol, and the scent Sirius left on his pillow, that Remus liked to breathe in whenever he was still in bed and Sirius was up.
He stood there with his eyes closed until even the mist was gone, and the smell gone with it. Then he let out a great, shuddering breath, and went downstairs to make tea.
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no subject
Date: 2004-11-27 07:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-27 06:26 pm (UTC)Ghost!Sirius. Wow. Heartbreaking! But Remus' lines about telling Sirius to stay and go--beautiful. :D
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Date: 2004-11-27 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-27 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-27 07:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-27 09:05 pm (UTC)that was gutwrenchingly beautiful. lovely
no subject
Date: 2004-11-27 10:11 pm (UTC)THAT is so heartbreaking!
no subject
Date: 2004-11-28 01:14 am (UTC)so I thought that telling you to go would mean that you would stay. You always stayed, when I told you to go. And you went when I told you to stay
This whole situation and Remus' babbling are both so perfect. Definitely my favorite part of this.
And the end... I know he had to leave, even though I desperately wanted him to stay even just a little longer. But the timing was heartbreaking. As though it ended specifically because they were trying for something they both knew was impossible. That mirrors the way I see their relationship (pre-Azkaban and pre-death) where every time they had opportunity (and, in my mind, tried to be together), fate stepped in and prevented the happily ever after possibility. So all they're left with is a few moments together, and Remus is left to go on alone... just like this fic. *sad sigh*
no subject
Date: 2004-11-28 01:26 am (UTC)You succesfully made me cry 30 seconds into the fic, I think that's a new record. Lovely and sad, and so angsty puppy fic.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-28 11:07 am (UTC)Remus sighed, and brought a hand up to rub at his eyes. “I wish—” I wish you could stay. That you weren’t dead. That you’d never gone to Azkaban. That you and I are living happily together. Oh Sirius, how much I wish…
“I wish I could touch you,” Sirius’s ghost whispered.
In PoA and OotP they always finish each other's thoughts, and this mirrors that so heartbreakingly. Fantastic job, thank you for writing.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-28 11:12 am (UTC)Remus sighed, and brought a hand up to rub at his eyes. “I wish—” I wish you could stay. That you weren’t dead. That you’d never gone to Azkaban. That you and I are living happily together. Oh Sirius, how much I wish…
“I wish I could touch you,” Sirius’s ghost whispered.
In PoA and OotP they always finish each other's thoughts, and this mirrors that so heartbreakingly. Fantastic job, thank you for writing.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-28 05:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-28 06:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-29 09:32 pm (UTC)